Counseling Children About Divorce – The Essential Facts You Must Know

Sometimes, even when a parent and their children are having a very amicable relationship, children may be afraid to talk about divorce. Often the fear is based on their real or imagined fears of the future. Maybe they fear they’ll lose their parents. Or maybe they fear they’ll be taken away from their other family members. Whatever the reason, it’s important that children know about divorce.

First, let your child know the circumstances that led to divorce. Your child needs to know what happened, why it happened, and what you did to change his/her mind. Let him/her understand the difference between the marriage and divorce. Explain how everyone changed and why you decided to change your mind. This will help your child understand the decision better.

Make your child understand the possible bad effects of a divorce. This includes how losing the family home will affect them financially and how it will change their school performance and their social skills. Let them know the things they can do now to avoid divorce. For example, you might suggest that both of you start working together to pay for different kinds of expenses. Explain how this will not hurt their siblings.

Your child should also know how long it will take for them to get through their current situation. He/she should know how he/she will survive and how she/he will recover from the divorce. It will be a time when they might be unsure of themselves, their needs, and their choices. They might need support during this time too.

If you are counseling children about divorce, share with them the fact that even though you are the one who wants the divorce, it is not your fault. Tell your child this news as soon as you can. Your child may try to convince you to change your mind by telling you that you were the one who pressured him/her into getting a divorce. Share with your child the responsibility for his/her own actions. It is OK for your child to understand that the divorce has effects on him/her too.

You should tell your child about the future you have planned for him/her. Let them know you expect him/her to be a good parent. You will have to prepare them for the changes that will happen in their lives. Let them know that they can trust you and that you will always be there for them no matter what. However, do not let them think that you can be a better parent if they get divorced.

It is important to tell your children about the importance of sticking together no matter what. But do not push them into doing so. Discuss with them the consequences of divorce, and talk to them about saving face. Let your child know that he/she can save face by divorcing you and starting a new life with someone else.

The best thing to do when it comes to helping your children deal with a divorce is to do it together. This is one of the best ways to make sure that your child gets the most out of the experience. A child who is confronted with a decision involving his/her parents together tends to get more involved and feel more comfortable. It may be difficult to get your child to cooperate with you if he/she does not trust you, but if you work with your child, you will find that they eventually respect your wishes.

The worst part of dealing with a divorce for your children is lying. You will have to lie to them, to yourself, and to everyone. Do not worry if you feel guilty at times. You have to do this in order to help your child through the horrible experience of divorce.

Let your children know that you do not blame them, and do not hold it against them. If they ask why you did not want them to stay, tell them that you only wanted them to come with you. Let your child understand that you are still their parent and still love them regardless of what happened. Do not lie to them though; even if it does not help you, it will hurt them.

Your child’s needs should be your top priority. Children do not have to face life until they are old enough to make these decisions for themselves. If you think that a divorce is the best thing for your child then go ahead and get them divorced. However, counseling children about divorce is an essential part of raising them. This is the only way to give them a proper introduction to the realities of divorce.